Sunday, 21 April 2013

Meeting the Lard's Horses

I mentioned in the last post that the lard has two horses: Spot and Dakota. The lard hasn't ridden them in two years due to her becoming a lard, but she does feed them. Their lives are in her hands. Now, these horses are crazier than Rutch. Just look at Spot.

See what I mean? Anyways,The lard always has a hard time when she feeds the horses. This is how she describes the task:
"So I'm walking down to the barn to feed the horses right, like I'm doing them a favour. This is all for them. As I walk down the hill they chase after me, trying to run me over. Like mother fucker I just want to feed you, no need to kill me. Then they freak the fuck out and try to kick me. Seriously, kicking me isn't going to help them get fed any faster. Once they're fed they try to bite me, like the hay wasn't enough to satisfy them, so they need some rutch for desert. Hoes."

The experience is always very upsetting for her. As a lard, she can't control her anger towards animals. When they do anything to upset her, she will tell you. And then she will tell you again. And you can be sure that she'll probably tell you again. And each time her voice will get more and more bitchy until BAMN! Rutch stabs the horses with a spoon. She hasn't done it yet, but I won't be surprised when/if she does.

XOXO, Cleatle

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